Dear Stylist: Brit Brit Edition

Dear Stylist,

Exactly how many printed hoodies does 100 million dollars buy one?






Just checking.

Yours truly,

The Aesthetes

The Wardrobe That Time Forgot

We know we're not the only ones to notice a particular emerging trend and certainly not the first to comment, but we've come to the point where we can't quite leave the issue alone. Has anyone else wondered what spurred the return of the long belted cardigan? Remember these?


Perhaps you or someone you know even owned one back when a Democrat ruled the White House and Cher "BE-lieved in life after love, after love, after love, after love..." I mean, sure, they were comfy...but stylish? Maybe in that "I grew up in Long Island but go to college in the Midwest" sort of way. And by "that," we mean not stylish at all. And by "not stylish at all," we mean not worthy of a comeback after spending 3 years or less in the back of our closets (Good call, Tracy... Ms. Talbots, if you're nasty). Quality nostalgia and/or whimsy do not happen that quickly see: Sex and the City movie for reference.

When we started seeing these garments out and about again recently we thought, surely this is a bad flashback come to haunt us and these people just completed the mother of all closet reorganizations and have trotted out one final nostalgic (sic) item before the Salvation Army is due to pick up the wardrobe that time forgot.

We thought that right up until we were paging through last month's French Vogue and we came across A WHOLE SPREAD ON THE LONG BELTED CARDIGAN (dubbed "cardi" via Tracy). This trend, we're afraid, may be back and in serious danger of swallowing Ellen Pompeo alive.

Judging Project Runway a.k.a. It's Funny Because It's True

We love Project Runway. We've always loved Project Runway. Ever since Jay McCarroll gave hope to every big-boned awkward cast-out who always thought they were relegated to stage crew and never stardom (a lesser known variant of "always a bridesmaid, never a bride"), we've trusted in the PR credo of finding the next great American designer. We still do.

But outside of the talent-related qualities of this new group of designers, we've started to question... well, the taste level of this motley crew with respect to everything else...

First of all, let it be known that each of their respective achievements cannot be overstated.  All of these designers were chosen for a reason.  They know what they're doing.  Yay Carmen Chris Christian Elisa Jack Jillian Kevin Kit Marion Rami Ricky Simone Steven Sweet P and Victorya.  That's coming from the heart.  Love you, mean it.  That being said...

Jack.  If you over-extend your arms over your head ONE MORE TIME... well, I can't really make any threats, I'm just saying it's a bad idea.  You're teetering on the edge of mid-90's circuit queen.  That look is over, and if you need more convincing, may we refer you to the wisdom of... well... us.

Kit.  We're hoping that you're this season's Alison Kelly, except without the unfortunate recycling challenge incident.  You also might want to lose the hairbow.  Or not.  Your choice.

Sweet P.  Thank you for clearly being good at construction.  Now could you do us a favor and maybe take us on a tour through your portfolio?  And of course, by portfolio, we mean tattoos.  Thanks.

Carmen.  We're sure it makes complete sense to you why a designer doesn't really know what they're doing unless they've been a model.  Okay, let's say, for (absolutely asinine) argument's sake, that your opinion is valid.  We're just going to say that humanity's ability to adapt to difficulties in their environment has been well documented.  I understand this is a bit of a stretch, but we tend to think that the concept of evolution and the ability for human beings (and maybe living things, in general, regardless of phylum) to adapt allows us to infer that maybe, just maybe, a few of those individuals NOT six feet tall, with high cheekbones, perfect skin, and/or an indelible desire to model clothing while adeptly performing the walk-walk-walk-half turn-half turn-walk-walk-walk-half turn-full turn-walk-walk-walk-walk-walk maneuver, may have found the ability to become great designers.  But you don't have to believe me... Believe Michael Kors, the fashion-world's answer to Dr. Phil.  Not pretty.

Jillian.  We don't get you.  We also have no idea if you can create anything other than that short flared skirt thing you keep making... and wearing.  It's an awkward niche to be in.  And no, not awkward interesting, but awkward huh?

Kevin.  Could you do something more exciting?  I mean, the most exciting thing so far is that you're not gay.  Seriously?  That's your defining feature?  Happy day, you're straight, good times.  Now what?  Oh wait, that's right, you design jeans, and one of said designs was featured on the cover of a Victoria's Secret catalogue.  Okay, that's something.  We still need more.  Just saying.

Christian.  You're quirky.  Not interesting.  There's a difference.  Maybe you'll learn that once you turn 22.

Chris.  Looking at you, we just feel like there's something to superficially mock.  Perhaps your refusal to run.  Perhaps your inability to complete sentences when with SJP.  But whatever man, you've sort of proven that you aim to do your damn thing on this show.

Elisa.  You were so lucky to be paired with Sweet P on last week's episode.  Your ideas are sound, but your methods of cleaning and completing are a bit junky.  Don't get too comfortable... you're not always going to have your fellow competitors ironing the crappiness out of your designs.  Oh, and as a special request, don't spit on our outfits.  It's a tad nasty.

Steven.  So you have a personality, right?  We thought we caught a bit of it during the PR previews... Your craftmanship is good, but we wish we could remember what you looked like.  Thank god for BravoTV.com.

Ricky.  Stop crying.  It's pathetic.  You've successfully dragged us kicking and screaming from the point of "in touch with his feelings" to "whiny little bitch."  You don't deserve that, as a person, we understand, but stop giving us so much fodder.  We also already know that you were a lingerie designer.  You're starting to get close to Emmett (previous PR contestant) who repeated weekly that he was a menswear designer.  At the end of the day, you're here, stop thinking that the lack of variety in your CV is a crutch.  Excuses are gross, you heard it here first.

Simone and Marion.  You're gone now, so we'll spare our unkind, however true, words... this time.

And as for you two, Rami and Victorya...  Stay cool, KIT, BFF 4 E and E, have a great summer, loved those great times in History class, you're the best.

F-ugg-ly

Alright, we get it, its officially fall/winter, its cold, and people need to keep their respective appendages out of the elements. We've seen the Ugg, we've pretty much made peace with the concept and we don't have a problem with the classic version as utilitarian footwear.

That being said, there are several versions out there to which we do take offense. There's the patchwork Ugg, the pom-pom Ugg and the dreaded sequined Ugg to name a few. We happened to be back in the midwest over the Thanksgiving holiday and we saw several versions of what can only be described as another huge flaming mistake.


What in the name of muppet feet is going on here?

Is there any reason you've decided that your calf/ankle/foot region should resemble that of a clydesdale? We do not care how warm and snuggly said footwear may be, you were not just cast in your local production of Sesame Street "Live" or "On Ice" for that matter.

Hello, the midwest, are you listening? We need you to stop it. Right now. Thank you.

The Ballad of Justin Bobby

Dear MTV,

Thank you for sending Justin Bobby into our otherwise uneventful lives. Instead of spending Monday nights with our New York Magazine crossword puzzles and a big mug of chamomile tea we can now relive every bad relationship we've ever had. No seriously, we're thrilled that you've unearthed someone simultaneously so evil and ridiculous that we throw up a little bit every time he enters the scene.

Does Audrina's "I'm done" signal the end of Justin Bobby's reign? We're a little sad we won't be seeing him anymore because with the recent transition from hipster beanie and man-capris to full bedouin headscarf, we were just counting down the episodes before he sported a space helmet and a poncho.

We truly enjoyed deciphering his conversations with Audrina:

"Why don't we just kick rocks and truth and time will tell all" = "I kinda sorta like being on TV."

"I don't want it to go down like this" = "Wait a minute, I love being on TV please don't go girl."

We applaud this casting of a villain so powerful that we can only suggest that you cast Johnny Depp as Justin Bobby in "The Hills: The Movie" which we're sure is already in pre-production talks. (As an aside we like Christine Taylor for LC and Matthew Fox for Brody Jenner).


We'd like to point out that we called the inevitable demise of the relationship from day one and although we fear this may be too much to ask, perhaps Audrina really has seen the light and ushered this clown out of her life for good.

If so....we'll miss you Justin Bobby.

Yours truly,

The Aesthetes

Sorry Ash, But We've Already Picked Our Favorite Twin

Hi, Mary Kate? So remember when we poked fun at a couple of your key fashion choices? We also may have made one or two thin jokes? Yeah...um...awkward...because deep down we really sort of love you.

There are very few true living fashion icons out there. Discounting those who dress themselves with the help of a capable stylist and those who put themselves together quite nicely but without any risk-taking, there are only one or two people worth mentioning. Kate Moss comes to mind as she embodies a palpable "signature style" copied by celebrities, regular folks and most recently pumped out to the masses in the form of Kate Moss by Topshop. We also have recently taken notice of Carine Roitfeld (check out Angie's profile of her at My Fashion Life). Roitfeld recently made headlines with this crazy futuristic coat:


Is it a bit strange? Yes. Is it also brilliant? We think so.

Mary Kate Olsen is the only American that we find both fascinating and disturbing enough to capture our attention to the same level as the aforementioned women. Do we feel conflicted about her sometimes? Definitely. While MK's fashion tastes almost always tend to be un peu difficile to stomach for the masses, even we questioned her sojourn into "Derelicte" dressing during her brief stint in higher education.

Since then however, we find her choices just interesting enough.

We love the red carpet vintage looks.

The menswear looks


The all black popped with something unexpected look


Finally, our personal favorite, the "I can pile on a whole heap of crazy and still look good look"


We read recently that Mary Kate's fashion role models are almost always men because they dress solely for themselves. That statement really resonated with us because it is not to say that you have given up fashion and aesthetic ideals, it is just that you are working solely for your own opinions and have permanently disconnected from the reigning fashion media. She's out there but she's also fashion forward in a real sense and we can't help admiring that.

Nixon - Less Watergate, More Watch

Purveyors of style and trends that we are, we are sometimes shocked, year to year, by the lack of variety in certain realms of fashion. While this has constantly been an issue in the area of men's winter coats (Peacoat? Check. Parka with removal insert? Check. Bomber jacket, whether down or other variety? Check. Same options, annually, for the past decade. Next?), we understood, as winter coats are a staple and tend to run on the expensive side of things... therefore, not necessarily an item one would want to throw out every spring.

That being said, we have always had higher hopes for accessories. Accessories, to state this in the most obvious way, are little touches by which one can assert his or her own style and point of view. Why then, we ask, is there so little variety in what current trends deem as the best men's watches out there? Having seen between 5 and 10 magazine spreads on men's watches, we're struck by how... monotonous they tend to be. This is why Nixon, a watch brand displayed off-runway by the stars of skate, surf and snow, is such a refreshing sight.

While formulating a new eccentricity when it comes to telling time, we find the innovation and simplicity of Nixon's styling a welcome change. We, of course, appreciate the ability to simultaneously figure out what time it is in 10 different time zones, operate a stopwatch, and handle some long-division, all from the comfort of our own respective wrists, but we'd rather save that space for something that has a little more form and a little less function.

Betsy Addendum:
Admittedly, I've been trying to copy Phat Tony's style since the early days at McDowell School of Dance where I deeply coveted his pas-de-bouree-petit-jete. The recent call out on the wonders of the nixon watch being hardly any exception, I was struck by a theme. It seems that lacquered wood in unexpected places is a surprisingly effective design element right now.

Take for example this Furni Gator alarm clock:


We have been obsessed with this item for a few years now having seen several similar designs on the market. We realize now that it is the wood element that lends the clean lines and brings us another modern take on a natural element for the home. Love it.