Crazy Looks Great On Katie Holmes

Regardless of what we think about Tom Cruise, Scientology, jumping on furniture, and the ensuing frenzy surrounding the TomKat phenomena, we have to admit, Katie Holmes has really pulled herself together lately.


Back in the days of Joey Potter, she was a wide eyed chubby cheeked girl from Toledo. Now she's a slimmed-down Posh Spice be-haircuted version of her former self with an enviable handbag collection. Although this all happened under vicious media scrutiny, it seemed to have taken place faster than we can say "Chris Klein who?" All of the sudden she looks grown-up and classy in an old school movie star sort of way.


Barring a few missteps here or there (What did we tell you about making us accuse you of wearing pajama pants during the day?)


Well played Katie Holmes, go ahead and get on with your Thetan-busting ways. Crazy looks great on you.

Animal Instincts

The question of animal prints is a much debated topic. Some swear by them and those people usually live in the south (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Here’s what we think. For women, Animal prints sort of say “plus size lingerie”. Or in the instance below, they just say, “why are you wearing lingerie in public?”

They can be awfully trashy and downright ugly. We admit there is a faction of Grandmas out there that can really rock a good leopard print shoe but since when did you start swapping clothes with Nana? Can it be done appropriately? We like how Sienna Miller has taken an ELEMENT of animal print and applied it to her outfit in an ultimately REMOVABLE way.

For men, animal prints say Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo. I think we can just leave it at that.

Get it Together: Neckwear

We’re noticing a trend. People are wearing scarves in the summer. We don’t know why, we just call it like we see it. Sometimes they’re gauzy, sometimes they’re delicately knitted lurex. And sometimes, on really special occasions, they’re what Teen Vogue has deemed the "breezy, global-chic scarf."

Kirsten, we sort of love you. And we say this like we’re the best of friends, which we sort of are:

Must we take our fashion cues from this guy?

I thought not.

Hippy-Chic

So here we are 40 years out from the original 1967 Summer of Love and the retrospectives are a-flying.We can’t help but notice the hippy chic sensibility is translating into some bad fashion. Case in point: Jennifer Lopez:

“Boho” has been around for years thanks to Sienna Miller and Kate Hudson. Boho is sort of timeless, misguided perhaps, but timeless nonetheless. We always enjoy irony in fashion. And by that we mean smart-ironic not the Reverend Tori Spelling ironic. However, this hippy chic thing has really gone too far. It’s affecting all sorts of things we will surely rant about later such as; the Britney Spears headscarf and global chic neckwear. Until then we will leave you on a positive note:

If you must recreate the summer of love and you are not Olivia D’Abo, please follow the example of Jessica Alba and give it a modern, less costume-y twist:

The choice is (over) easy... I like mine fried...

Having the opportunity, as it were, we'd like to say a thing or two about fried eggs.

"Who?" "What?" "Why?" The hub-bub is at a dull roar. "Peas and carrots, peas and carrots... the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue... zing-bing-a-ring-aloha-ah-yay-koo-koo-ah-yay..."

Yes, fried eggs.

Our inspiration comes from a single place. No, not the classic english breakfast. Nor knocking a golf ball deeply into a sandtrap (not that we make golf analogies... Neither Bets nor I do that...). We're talking about the Pane Frattau, and everything that it, in its infinite goodness, may remind us of.

On his show, Mario Batali, while reeling us in with the notions of suptuous cuisine and certain al dente pasta, often takes us to an unfriendly place of watery sauces. His restaurants, however, are anything but watery and disappointing. His lesser Manhattan eatery, Otto Enoteca & Pizzeria, is a joy in almost every way. The ridiculously extensive wine lists and the clever cocktails are only the beginning... the antipasti, the insalata, the pizzas and the pastas... even the deserts... everything is fantastic. Of course, this is coming from someone who all too often sticks to a reliable Montepulciano d'Abruzzo or prosecco, and never ever strays from the Pane Frattau.

The Pane Frattau is this amazing pizza, simply topped with tomato, pecorino, and a gloriously fried egg. To kick it up a notch, try adding freshly chopped chili peppers to the pie... and for the carnivores in the house, don't be shy in asking for prosciutto, just for fun. I never thought the word "elegance" would come to mind with respect to pizza and eggs, but there you have it.

If in New York City, go there immediately, if not sooner. You're welcome.

HGTV's David

Bets (hey grrl!) did us all a favor by reminding us of the wonders of HGTV's Design Star. I'd like to briefly expound on the wonders that are David Bromstad.



Other than the endless silly aspects of DB's persona (does anyone else think it's funny that he's always wearing something that either shows a lot of skin, or that can be zipped off quickly enough such that the world can see more of his tattoos?), this guy is talented. He has, quite adeptly I might add, opened our eyes to do-it-yourself home design. He creates an image with very little knowledge of what's possible, and if he doesn't find a color, piece or accessory that fits, he (or his plethora of assistants) just makes it. True, this comes far too often in the form of a chunky picture box, or an original Bromstad piece, or a chunky fireplace facade... but it also comes in the form of backlighting (in the good way), impeccable color choices (no matter how daring or ridiculous) and really doing some fantastic problem solving. He's also one of the only people I know of who can wear thick horizontal stripes and not look huge.

Design Star is Back!

We’re unabashedly on the reality TV bandwagon. We may however skew more towards the talent based contests such as, Pussy Cat Dolls Presents: Search for the Next Doll and America’s Next Top Model AKA Tyra Banks Likes to Make Pretty Girls Cry, rather than those we feel lack a raison d’etre such as the Survivors and Fear Factors of the world. We especially appreciate programs dedicated to the furthering of our three passions: fashion, food, and interior design otherwise known as the 9th 10th and 11th chakras respectively. Imagine our joy upon learning that Design Star is coming back for a second season on HGTV.


This underrated show brought us Color Splash with David Bromstad which we love equally for its cheesiness as its tendency to inspire thought-provoking debate and discussion. What are the implications of the “feature wall”? Is the chunky fireplace overused? Trust us on this one, Design Star blows its Bravo competitor Top Design out of the water. It has a nice low budget feel and the producers don’t get too hands on in promoting contestant histrionics.

We think you should watch it. We also think you should play the Design Star fantasy game online with us.

Auf Weidersehen

Halter Falter

Halter tops are ok... but they are feeling very 90s to us lately. I mean, this is cute:

In an "I came to the mall to try out for America's Next Top Model" sort of way.

Halter tops are deceivingly tricky. They have an insidious way of highlighting your fat if that's an issue. Or any sort of beanpole issues. And, more importantly, they impart a Brenda Walsh style "Dylan McKay get over here right this minute" feel.

This garment has all the makings of a flattering look. The narrowest part hits right below the bustline, most women's smallest area. The criss-cross neckline draws attention towards the face. Those two things almost balance out the overall overexposure. Perhaps someday we'll feel ok about halter tops again but right now, they're feeling tired.

(Phat Tony Addendum: Tired? Maybe more like exhausted. I feel as though some women were told 10-15 years ago that halter tops look amazing if you have a certain type of body. Regardless of changes of style, and the availability of other viable options, these women are sticking with the standard halter that creates the exact same silhouette. I've been reminded far too often of the stagnant stylings of Central Ohio senior proms and picnic days. Anyway... back to Betsy...)

If you must, let go of the idea that a halter top will make you look perky and curvy. A more modern feel is long and lean. We love this example by Ella Moss:

Prints wouldn't work here nor do heinous embellishments such as sequins, broaches, flowers. As usual, keep it simple. Good luck.

Plaid Love

I agree with Phat Tony on just about everything hence the reason it is very satisfying to watch Project Runway together. Yes, we think Nick Verreos was robbed in Season 2 too, thank you very much. Not surprisingly, I also despise Madras. However, I do love plaid. Oh the many connotations of this fabric. From "Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain" innocent country to "Jeremy spoke in class today" grunge rock we've seen this fabric over and over. Plaid may now be coming into its renaissance moment. I have seen brilliant interpretations of the modern preppy especially in new york city. Check out this photo by the Sartorialist

This plaid, especially when worn in the summer, has a lovely, unassuming look about it. It's new and fresh and we really do see a lot of folks working this look quite well. Lest you think we are allowing you to run free however, here are the rules.

- Shirts or dresses only. Don't make us accuse you of wearing pajama pants during the day (that means you Britney Spears). Dresses are ok but consider plaid skirts for catholic school girls only.

- No Madras. We can't stress this enough (see below). It's ugly and don't even be tempted into it. Stick to one base color of plaid

- We like the bigger plaids. While the teeny tiny checks are ok in a short sleeve button down software engineer kind of way, we're finding that the edgier guys are rocking the larger, less busy prints.

- Take advantage of this unexpected summertime look. Find some plaid in a light-weight fabric. Enjoy, we might be sick of it by the time fall rolls around.

Phat Tony Addendum: Agreed, Bets. As far as the teeny-tiny checks, those are also okay in a nicely-tailored long-sleeve dress shirt, or on a tie made in a quality fabric. However, it should be paired with a bolder pattern or an impeccably styled suit to up the class. I also have some related commentary on the impending comeback of flannel, but that's for another posting entirely... Get ready.

Madras, Madras, Madras

Sometimes I feel like the fashion gods created the Madras pant as a response to so many men not being able to put together a matching outfit. But I ask you, why create something so hideous that matches everything and nothing at the same time? And why try to convince the masses that they look good?

However illogical the notion of clashing technicolor plaids seem to be, men across this country are buying these shorts. WHY WHY WHY?!? Do you think these pants look good? Do you? Do you really?



How about now?

I want there to be a solid fashionable reason why these pants exist. I want someone to tell me that the elegant interplay between the conflicting tartans creates a clean line in the fabric, or creates some sort of social commentary on something.

Before you buy, just think. Do these pants look good? No. Will they make you look good? No. Will they somehow distract people around you from looking at the man clogs you bought and still insist on wearing? Phat chance.

Weighing In: High Waisted Pants

Let's spin a yarn: Picture it, Sicily, 1942... Or maybe it was just last week on the lower east side. Regardless, Betsy was doing a little shopping. Looking for not much in particular I spotted what I thought to be a pair of flowy ivory linen wide leg pants. Snatch. Grabbed my size off the rack and headed towards the dressing room. The sales clerk breezed by stating encouragingly, "those pants fit so great they are really high waisted." Time stopped. High-waisted? Laughing nervously, I pressed on, not wanting to be rude, into the fitting area. Well, what can I say friends, it was as if Bea Arthur's wardrobe stylist attacked me in my sleep. I lost my appetite for days. Then I saw this:

Mischa Barton is a thin girl. I'd put her at 115 pounds tops. As she scurried past the mirror in the morning, she must've noticed that these jeans MAKE HER LOOK HUGE. Then I saw this:


After all the work Ken Paves and Mike Alexander did on post-divorce Jessica did no one in the Simpson camp call a stylist? Kate Moss can barely pull this off and as we all know, Kate Moss is 100% at the border of the final frontier of edgy. Kate Moss is as far out as you go people. Step away from the high waisted denim.

Skeched Out

We're tired of the casual sneaker for women. We think it's a cop out. We think that keds were lame the first time around (sorry Mischa Barton). We don't think your laces should match your shirt (sorry Carrie Underwood) We strongly believe that in life one should aim less for Marissa Cooper and more for Summer Roberts. Marissa has a funny accent. We think the casual sneaker is silly. It says dilletante. It says, I can't be bothered to run but check out my new tracksuit. Unless, of course, you're sixteen. Or you live in New Jersey. Then you get a pass for things like that.

Pop Goes the Collar

My words and my actions have never been at odds as they have been over the popped collar.

I've been known to wear a polo shirt, and for no reason whatsoever, pop that collar right up. Why? Do I have some lurid fear of the elements pelting the back of my neck? Do I think that what is beneath the fold of the collar is so much more attractive than what's on top? Do I think that country-club chic is here to stay?

No.

Here's the simple rule: with a polo shirt, never pop that collar on purpose. If, for some reason, your shirt is refreshingly untidy and the corners of that collar just happen to be grazing your ears, fine. But if you feel the need to check yourself out to make sure the corners are sticking up and jutting out just right, you're doing something wrong. This rule, of course, does not apply to jackets. This might be because a jacket is actually designed to protect against the elements, so flipping that collar up need not require an excuse.

So you're from Long Island. So Victoria Gotti raised you. So hair gel, spray, and mousse, working in conjunction, is the only way to show your head in public. You've got a lot working against you. Don't be a victim and pop that collar. The world (outside LI and Freeport, Maine, at least) will appreciate it.

(Betsy Addendum: I just wanted to address those who feel its appropriate to pop one's collar due to vague hip hop reasons. What's up House of Pain, just because Kanye West popped his collar for 10 minutes in 2003 is not an excuse.




I didn't see the Louis Vuitton backpack trend sweeping the nation.)

(Phat Tony Addendum to preceding Betsy Addendum: Agreed, and don't forget what Kanye's been seen on magazine covers... can you say "pink G-Shock watch"? We'd rather not.)

Seersucka!

It seems that seersucker can be a divisive issue. For some it conjures a decidedly old man image. Perhaps a southern gentleman vibe. There's something proper, polite, old school even in that fabric. At the same time seersucker is a potentially pseudo-preppy, popped collar, pink sweater over the shoulders nightmare.



However, and let us be truly clear here, this is only if misused. Let's delve into the dichotomy.

There is something we love about old man style. Harkening towards bygone days there is an easy panache about this guy.



Badass without trying is something we should all be striving for here. Bravado to us is a beautiful thing due, in a large part, to its evanescence. Strive towards it but never lull yourself into thinking that any amount of in front of the mirror primping will lead you to true style. Simplicity is king to the aesthetes and seersucker can be a wonderful basic summertime fabric.

We love it on men in a short or pant paired with a simple t-shirt. We think they'd be great with a cool white sneaker or an acceptable flip-flop (teva's need not apply). The bold can try a seersucker suit. Keep it simple underneath and stay away from the preppy belt and all will be ok.

For women both shorts and pants would be easy in this fabric as would a shrunken blazer. The key word here is ease. By no means should anyone be squeezing on any skintight seersucker capri's. Think wide leg, think loose yet tailored. Also, for women, keep in mind that men can pull off many different colors with the right sense of irony. For you we definitely suggest staying away from the icky pink stuff.

Weighing In: Jazz Shoes

Let's be really blindingly honest here. It pains us that we need to write about jazz shoes. Pain of the physical sort. Picture the pain you might feel when watching oh say Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. What? Oh no, just kidding. We don't watch that. (We may, however, Love New York...)

We've seen many a disturbing thing in our lifetimes. Things that get our little judgemental minds all in a tizzy. Things like pleated pants.

While we can wholly endorse jazz hands and, even their cute little sister, spirit fingers (not to mention their accompanying Bring It On trilogy), but this is really upsetting us.



Jazz shoes... why or how they entered popular culture in the first place is an incredible mystery to us... and this is coming from someone with a bit of a dance background. Picture PT & Bets stride-leap-stepping across the hardwood waxy floor at McDowell School of Dance... so we can appreciate jazz shoes for what they are... split-soled non-street shoes made to leap across a freshly waxed hardwood surface and not leave black scuffs. They are not, however, for everyday-wear. Before you ask, you're not being refreshingly ironic by wearing jazz shoes outside of your "one-my-way-dance-class-and-on-my-way-back" routine. We also know that most of you are not Debbie Allen. You're not fooling anyone, you're just being inappropriate, and not just a little silly.

I think the message here is simple. If you're wearing jazz shoes and you're not doing this:



We really can't help you.

You're welcome.

Flower Power

With things like this walking down the runway, we may need to say a few words about florals:



For the women, the note is "caution." There are so many bad florals out there. And by bad, we mean tasteless. Unfortunately there's been a time and a place for most if not all bad fashion and by many of us, including the aesthetes, mistakes were made in the 90s. All those Brenda Walsh-babydoll dresses with the teeny tiny floral prints. Especially those worn with some kind of ridiculous (on the order of Mayim Bialik) hat and dare I say it, combat boots. Stay away from small florals. They are librarian-esque, as are floral prints in pastels. Think abtstracted, or big graphic florals and bold brights. Visual aids below and here courtesy of design*sponge.



For men, the story is different and the world is a bit topsy-turvy. We LOVE floral prints on men. We think it's the just the right amount of bravado. The "I'm-so-comfortable-with-my masculinity-I-couldn't-give-a-crap-what-you-think" look. From subtle,



to overt,





it functions a bit like the urban/rock & roll version of the pink shirt. We green-light florals for men but please pair with jeans or something a bit de-constructed. Another simple rule is to be read between the lines here... when rocking something softer, work it with something a bit harder, not only to play up the irony, but also to emphasize that you actually know what irony means. No one wants to look like a dandy.


At the end of the day, confidence is everything. If you're wearing something unexpected, act as though you did it on purpose... except, of course, popped collars. No one should pop a collar on purpose.