Weighing in: Colored Denim

A quick glance at the Fall 2007 ready to wear shows confirms that we should look forward to bright saturated colors coming our way next season. We won't mind seeing it most often in Womenswear in dresses, tops, shoes, and handbags, in that order. What we're not too thrilled about, is seeing a lot of bright colored denim.

We're not pretending that Jessica Alba is anything but gaunt and therefore can flippantly disregard a few of our fashion missives but for the average woman (Phat Tony: "Yeah, I thought that even her presence couldn't overcome the wackness of her movie choices, but please note that I'll still DVR "Honey" whenever it's on... Jessica Alba might be able to do whatever she wants."), we're issuing a strong caution on this look. Unfortunate but true, there are just certain details about one's legs that one may not want highlighted. Consider these jeans a Bic highlighter for your flaws. (PT: "A huge Bic highlighter with those attached Post-It flag dispensers that allow the owner to make notes next to what's been highlighted. Yes, the jeans will tell us all that. And no, we never wanted to know.")

And then there's this:


We're not happy that Aly and AJ, the poor man's Mary Kate Ashley Olsen (hereby referred to as Al J), are weighing on the collective conscious, but we're downright apoplectic over the fact that they are currently bringing their bad fashion on a nationwide tour. (PT: "Having been on a nationwide tour myself, I know there's no place for bad fashion. You make bad fashion choices, and then you end up with wrinkled sateen tops, drawstring pants that are a little too tight right there, and a little too bulky right over here, knock-off Birkenstocks, and your blonde hair turning green from the Motel-8 jacuzzi. The combined efforts of Tim Gunn and Sally Hershberger would not be able to dig you out of that tacky, florescent bulb-lit hole. And it'll all be your fault. Just saying.)

You may have guessed that we're not thrilled about the vest (PT: "Right?!") and we're still too angry to discuss Alicia Keys' wide-leg, high waisted, jumpsuit (PT: "Oh Alicia... how far you may have fah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-len"... wow, my voice sounded so good just then), but there's oh so much else that's wrong here. Al J has firstly decided to violate the code of women, twin or otherwise: thou shalt not wear the same shoes. Secondly, we just got a text message from Alex P Keaton politely requesting his tie back. Lastly, those bright coral jeans make you look fat Al J and we need you and your minions of teen fans to stop it. Right now.

Phat Tony Addendum: Okay, I may not have Betsy's tact when it comes to colored denim. I'm also not a woman, and maybe my personal connection to denim isn't as... developed? Regardless, when thinking colored denim... unless you're the type of girl to whom random strangers always say, "Whoa, those bright colors look ridiculously amazing with your skin tone," then it's really never pleasant (for me, at least) for you to wear the denim a la Crayola. And at the end of the day, that's a trend that, when it's over, it'll be O-V-E-R. No trying to save that crap for when it comes back into style... we won't want to see it then, either.