A sartorial timeline for Jennifer Lopez would make for a wild and crazy ride. There were the Fly Girl years (striped leggings and way too HUGE blazers), the Janet Jackson years (featuring a bared midriff in the That's the Way Love Goes video), and the Diddy years where we all thought she should have stayed (we would definitely be investors in the double stick tape industry if so). Then along came the "triple threat years" where she tried to have a career in vocals, acting and dancing and only succeeded in demonstrating lack of talent in all three. And who could forget the Bennifer years read: overexposure. Now, Ms. Lopez has settled comfortably into the Marc (Mr. Death) Anthony years and this, dear stylist, is not becoming her and we only have you to blame.
Stylist, has no one ever taught you that hog tying a star into an garment is not a good idea? Our poor Jennifer resembles a sausage in this dress that not only cinches her in all the wrong places but pours on an extra dose sparkle and fringe to add insult to injury.
We admit that we love this steely shade of gray and those are some extremely hot shoes but not since Janet Jackson's All For You video have we seen the half shirt attempt in action. This has all the makings of an amazing outfit if we just decided to dial up the symmetry. A shoutout to whomever has taken control of the hair and makeup situation though, way to localize the problem to the right shoulder.
We think Ms. Lopez has a phenomenal body and we love the high octane wind machine look, we're just not sure why you've decided to dress her in a tea cozy.We realize times are hard stylist, but please, get Jennifer's wardrobe together. El Cantante is a cry for help people. If you can't manage JLo's transition into obscurity, eventual fierce comeback and finally, lifetime original movie, we will have to advise Ms. Lopez to seek alternate counsel.
Very Truly Yours,
The Aesthetes
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