Celebrity Time Machine

We just had a chat with our crystal ball and it told us what Fergie Ferg is going to look like in 20 years.

Like the twin sister of Third Rock from the Sun's Kristen Johnston.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Dear Stylist: Fergie Edition

Dear Stylist,

We're having some difficulties understanding what Fergie has been wearing lately. We realize celebrities cannot be left to their own devices but several choices you've made have perplexed us to the extent that we think you two have had a severe falling out. We can't fathom any other possibility for this particular brand of cruelty. We get the "dressed up in front row couture show Chanel" and the "I'm working out with Josh Duhawho? in the median of a random LA street in sweats" but several pressing questions have kept us up at night.

Who decided the Little Rascal's hats were a good idea?


Did you check your missed calls...? Because Avril Lavigne wants her bermuda shorts and suspenders back.


Um...what's with the really big hankie?


Until the likelihood ceases that your bad choices will assault our innocent eyes during otherwise innocuous MTV programming we respectfully ask that you leave poor Ms. Ferguson alone.

Yours truly,
the Aesthetes

Vested Interests

Vests have come back into our lives faster than Michael Vick struck his plea deal and we think it's high time to discuss a few rules here. Let's start with the women.

Note to Fergie Ferg, I thought we agreed to leave Kids Incorporated in the 80's, no? There are so many things going awry in the above photo that Phat Tony and I have a collective headache. (Phat Tony: "Ow.") The overarching difficulty we have though, is the poor use of the vest. The rule illustrated in this example is while we'd like to restrict the use of vests to thinner women, we also feel that it's important to have a smaller chest (read: only B cups and below need apply). We like how Paris Hilton's vest below contributes to a long, lean silhouette.

For the men, several issues arise. Once again, we ask that the general public submit to dressing for their body types. Vests are only passable on thinner guys. No exceptions. Think Pete Doherty or Adam Brody, for example. We love how a v-neck sweater vest can dress down a suit.

One must always pay attention to the proportion and fit of one's shirt in order to avoid bulkiness, and of course, it is always imperative that one wears a shirt.