How To Wear Plunging Necklines

There are many items of clothing that are just South of flattering (ie: Alicia Keys Jumpsuit). The plunging neckline seems to be one of them. Note carefully Cynthia Nixon (second from right) and then Charlize Theron.



Why does the Charlize Theron version work for us and the Cynthia Nixon version not? A few observations:

1. The bold purple works to lend a lighter note to the look because serious, and this dress is cut down to the navel, don't really go together.

2. Ms. Nixon's dress is floor length. (See above re: seriousness)

3. As loath as we are to endorse ruffles, in this case, it draws the eye up and prevents the wearer from looking a bit, well, saggy.

We don't pretend to have the power to stop all of humanity from making bad fashion choices (crocs, et al) but should you happen to choose to journey down this path of plunging necklines, just remember, there are rules and you've been warned.

Plaid Love: Redux

If we loved plaid last summer, we are in a long-term codependent on-again off-again relationship with it now. Phat Tony has been waxing eloquent about flannel for ages and I, having embarrassing tendencies towards adoring all things Français, am enamored with the twist of irony and the references to "American redneck culture" with which the French have embraced plaid recently. Specifically note the below courtesy of Sartorialist.


We love plaid. We love that it references both the music of the Keiths (otherwise known as Toby Keith and Keith Urban) as well 1990s grunge. We love that it can be edgy or preppy, male or female, French country or American classic. We think a pattern so protean is more than just a trend but embodies true staying power.

Get It Together: Some Things Should Be Left in the Past

We cannot emphasize this enough. Sex and the City was cute from 1998 to 2003 and then Carrie and her ballerina skirts, Samantha and her brash sexuality, Miranda and her sarcasm and Charlotte with her hopeless and thoroughly irritating optimism became only appropriate in the small realm of our special edition dvd boxed sets. There is nothing bothering us more than the trotting out of the middle-aged stars in no longer age appropriate or fashion forward garments for the making and promoting of the sure to be horrible movie version.


You've probably guessed that we're also not thrilled about the Sex and the City wannabes Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle. Admittedly, having only seen the former, we're nonetheless ready to declare that this, friends, is bad TV and not even the good kind. We even have significant soft spots in our hearts for Lucy Liu after her turns in both Kill Bill and Charlie's Angels but even we can't defend what she's been wearing lately.


Valentino Schmalentino... this dress is ugly.

PH Addendum: Lucy, I don't know if you realize the severity of our words, here... Our love for you used to be pure, unadulterated, and altogether quite lovely. You show up like that, and well, we start questioning everything. The fact that we're alumni from the same college will only get you so far....)

The Wardrobe That Time Forgot

We know we're not the only ones to notice a particular emerging trend and certainly not the first to comment, but we've come to the point where we can't quite leave the issue alone. Has anyone else wondered what spurred the return of the long belted cardigan? Remember these?


Perhaps you or someone you know even owned one back when a Democrat ruled the White House and Cher "BE-lieved in life after love, after love, after love, after love..." I mean, sure, they were comfy...but stylish? Maybe in that "I grew up in Long Island but go to college in the Midwest" sort of way. And by "that," we mean not stylish at all. And by "not stylish at all," we mean not worthy of a comeback after spending 3 years or less in the back of our closets (Good call, Tracy... Ms. Talbots, if you're nasty). Quality nostalgia and/or whimsy do not happen that quickly see: Sex and the City movie for reference.

When we started seeing these garments out and about again recently we thought, surely this is a bad flashback come to haunt us and these people just completed the mother of all closet reorganizations and have trotted out one final nostalgic (sic) item before the Salvation Army is due to pick up the wardrobe that time forgot.

We thought that right up until we were paging through last month's French Vogue and we came across A WHOLE SPREAD ON THE LONG BELTED CARDIGAN (dubbed "cardi" via Tracy). This trend, we're afraid, may be back and in serious danger of swallowing Ellen Pompeo alive.

Dear Stylist: Roadkill Edition

Dear Stylist,

When will you fail to amaze us with your questionable choices? We realize that Kate Bosworth and Zhang Ziyi recently attended some sort of soiree in China and perhaps there are some deviating cultural norms at play here but seriously, what is that Chinchilla? Did you not notice that Ms. Ziyi looks like she's actually holding the dead animal she just skinned to fashion this garment? Ms. Bosworth looks like a late edition Cruella De Vil and if one wants to model themselves after a Disney character, we suggest Esmeralda, she really knew how to work the peasant blouse trend.

We're not really politically anti-fur here, we just think it looks gross 9 out of 10 times. Take for example Britney Spears. Does she not look like she skinned her little dog Bit-Bit and is wearing her as a shrug.


Perhaps there's ways to wear fur, in fact, there are certain people who may be able pull it off:

1. Sarah Jessica Parker circa SATC seasons 1 and 2 because there was a time when she could pull off that sense of whimsical risk taking.

2. Nicole Kidman because she's just regal and Nordic-looking enough to accessorize a fur coat with a nice viking helmet.

3. Mary Kate Olsen because the poor little thing looks just about cold enough to drape anything over her bony little shoulders.

Aside from the above mentioned we ask you to please refrain from this growing and disturbing use of fur.

Yours truly,

The Aesthetes

These Kids Nowadays...

So Bets and I were taking an afternoon stroll through the park (oh, and just so you know, the Dalai Lama is out in full force. He's so hot right now. Folks were loving him today... and passing out cookies.), bubble tea in hand, and we couldn't help but notice the fashion-forward kids all around town. Okay, first thing's first, sometimes their parents could learn a thing or two from them. Second, I wondered how fashion-forward kids in the Midwest were socially appropriated by their peers. I turned to Bets, as she is a constant source of reality at times like these, and posited the inquiry her way. Looking exfoliated and carefree as she does on a day like this, she blinked twice and said, "I think they were just nerds. But they're also the kids who grow up, then look back on their past and realize they were just with it."

Truth.

In light of this, we began thinking about tips we can pick up from these in vogue youngsters.

Tip #1: Don't steer clear of interesting eyewear.

Growing up with vision issues can be kid's nightmare, but those who know better pull it off with style and grace. It's also a purchase that parents (the nice ones, at least) allow their kids to have at least a little of input on. So take a page out of these parents' stylebook, and get a pair that tells the people around you about more than your crazy astigmatism... Purchasing eyewear is a great way to express yourself without feeling like you're throwing away money on an outfit you may never find an excuse to wear. Think Oliver Peoples. Think Prodesign:Denmark. Don't think $99-and-under rack at LensCrafters. Two quick addendums, though: (a) listen to the person behind the eyeglasses counter, for they tend to know the shape of glasses that work with your face. They know more about this sort of thing than you do, it's what they do. (b) The combination of great designers and best selling literature does not make for great eyewear. Enter the round Harry Potter glasses. People, have we forgotten that Harry is a fictional character? Is Mary GrandPre really supposed to be a style icon? Not since Gandhi has anyone been able to rock these glasses. Take the hint.

Tip #2: Don't be afraid to layer, especially when circumstances require it

Kids are forced daily to run the gamut of environments: from chilly early mornings at bus stops to stagnant classrooms with invariably crappy climate control to rank school gymnasiums to stifling hot buses to what we can only hope to be a regulated climate in their own homes. Kids are forced to be ready, clothing-wise, for every eventuality, and those fashion-forward kids tend to do so with style. Basic rule: Layer is encouraged, but don't put anything on your body that you would be ashamed to wear on its own. Simple, but a rule that tends to be ignored by most. Let's see, what are we trying to say here?... Ummm... oh right, this is it: Guys, you can afford another white undershirt.

Tip #3: There's a difference between whimsy and ridiculous.

Whimsy = good. Ridiculous = bad.

This is perhaps the most difficult to grasp if you haven't thought about it before. Whimsy implies confidence, a sense of humor and wit. Ridiculous implies that your parents dress you because if they didn't, you might actually look worse. Whimsy is effortless. Ridiculous looks contrived.

Let's put this another way, this time in a way New Yorkers can't ignore... it has been everywhere the past decade, nowadays more than ever. If you haven't run into a Sex and the City film crew on your way around NYC, then you arguably haven't left your apartment recently. Unfortunately, the new movie provides an ideal example:

Patricia Field (SATC stylist) has been historically daring, but she might've taken a brief, somewhat unfortunate, detour recently...

Carrie, circa 2003:
Carrie, circa now:

If we need to say more about these images... well, you should get out more.