Bromance

Brody Jenner: Hey Dude
Kevin Federline-Spears: Yo yo Brody, what's happening?
BroJ: Oh nothing man, just trying to get up in that reality show limelight as my own person. I just signed a deal with MTV to do my own show called Bromance. FINALLY, I can get out of the long Lauren Conrad shadow.
KevFed: I feel you dude. I've been trying to get out of the wife's shadow fo'eva.
BroJ: Don't you mean ex-wife?
KevFed: Whatever, she's still the ball and chain weighing me down. Why can't I go to rehab? Where is the paparazzi when I go shopping at Ed Hardy? Where are my record sales? Popozao.
BroJ: Gesundheit, I think you could probably go to rehab if you really wanted to.
KevFed: Ugh, she just makes me so mad. No one's letting me perform at the Music Video Awards drunk with no rehearsals. No one says boo when I shave my head.
BroJ: Well, at least you've got that Asian inspired shirt.
KevFed: Yeah, I like yours too. Lightning! It's like Fire. Bold choice man, bold choice.
BroJ: Oh look! I think we're being photographed. It's the shirts man, I think it's finally working!

Weighing In: Headbands

Quite clearly, headbands have been around for a while. A preppy staple, we credit Hilary Clinton's overuse in the early 90s that first launched this trend into a nationally debated topic.

More recently, LC ahem, Lauren Conrad of the Hills fame and recently tapped as a fashion "maven" by some media sources, had been noted for frequent headband use.


What do we think aside from the fact that Lauren Conrad does not a fashion "maven" make? Well let's not split hairs here, I mean, she's wearing a headband, on her head. We really aren't going to spend our time having a whole lot of issues with that choice. What we do have problems with is the quite disturbing trend we noticed all summer of girls in New York wearing headbands around their foreheads hippie style or Rambo style if you prefer. We prefer that this trend go the way of the poncho but we're very afraid after this montage from New York Fashion Week by Fashionista.

Say it isn't so.

After School Special: AQoT Edition

Ah childhood...Rice Krispies Treats, Capture the Flag, You Can't Do That on Television...those were simpler times. Unfortunately, our inevitable aging has left us prone to sigh's of "kids nowadays..." as we are confronted with that which we do not understand, Ne-Yo, Gossip Girl, The Hills, Justin Timberlake. Ha, just kidding, we totally understand that stuff. What we don't understand lately is what is going on with the next generation (are we at Z yet?) of budding superstars.

Let's start with Vanessa Hudgens. Fine, she took some pictures of herself naked and in the grand scheme of things we're not going to go all Republican on you and say that this is an immoral thing to do we're just saying, did no one explain to her how the Internet works?

And then there's Jamie Lynn Spears. Sure, Britney has made some bad choices that $100 million should be able to prevent one from making, but at least she had the decency to wait until she was in her 20s to have a baby by her totally not famous boyfriend. Shockingly, Nickelodeon seems not to have a problem with the situation. We wonder if they'll try to cover up Zoey 101's baby bump with strategically placed grocery bags a la Claire Huxtable in the 80s.

Apparently, Lily Allen is also pregnant. While not in her teens, she's also not too far removed and she was recently asked to design a line of maternity clothing specifically intended for juniors, like Delia's juniors, otherwise known as girls in their teens and VERY early 20s. In what universe is that a good idea? The least we can do is force girls to wear ugly florals and stirrup pants through their pregnancy as a deterrent.

We've come to the point where we fully expect the next breaking news item on CNN to be Miley Cyrus' gruesome killing spree.

What have we learned here kids, naked photos and pregnancy will not actually harm one's chances of a lucrative future in Children's Programing and if corporate America had their way we'd have a totally rocking line of skinny jeans and crop tops suitable for the second trimester of only the most fashionable teenagers.

The Ballad of Justin Bobby

Dear MTV,

Thank you for sending Justin Bobby into our otherwise uneventful lives. Instead of spending Monday nights with our New York Magazine crossword puzzles and a big mug of chamomile tea we can now relive every bad relationship we've ever had. No seriously, we're thrilled that you've unearthed someone simultaneously so evil and ridiculous that we throw up a little bit every time he enters the scene.

Does Audrina's "I'm done" signal the end of Justin Bobby's reign? We're a little sad we won't be seeing him anymore because with the recent transition from hipster beanie and man-capris to full bedouin headscarf, we were just counting down the episodes before he sported a space helmet and a poncho.

We truly enjoyed deciphering his conversations with Audrina:

"Why don't we just kick rocks and truth and time will tell all" = "I kinda sorta like being on TV."

"I don't want it to go down like this" = "Wait a minute, I love being on TV please don't go girl."

We applaud this casting of a villain so powerful that we can only suggest that you cast Johnny Depp as Justin Bobby in "The Hills: The Movie" which we're sure is already in pre-production talks. (As an aside we like Christine Taylor for LC and Matthew Fox for Brody Jenner).


We'd like to point out that we called the inevitable demise of the relationship from day one and although we fear this may be too much to ask, perhaps Audrina really has seen the light and ushered this clown out of her life for good.

If so....we'll miss you Justin Bobby.

Yours truly,

The Aesthetes

The Skin-ny

It seems as if leather has popped up as a trend these days. Clearly we’re far beyond the leather jacket, which though oft misused, is nonetheless an American staple. We’re not just talking about the fits like a glove and still nonexistent pair of leather pants we’ve coveted since we were 15 and have yet to discover in actual existence. We’re talking leather skirts (the Olsen twins strike again)


and several leather dresses we’ve seen at the "cheap & chic "chains like Zara and H&M.


On preliminary examination, this trend will be fleeting with high dry cleaning bills and a lack of breathability. We’re also a bit concerned that this whole faux-rocker thing has gone a bit too far (penchants for guitar hero notwithstanding). Faux-rocker to the Aesthetes is Ashlee Simpson, Uncle Jesse from Full House, and Justin Bobby. Actually nothing says faux rocker better than Justin Bobby in a full-on signature Justin Bobby beanie.

Denim on Denim...On Denim

We've never felt so much like we were in a codependent, on-again, off-again relationship than when we're thinking about or discussing denim on denim. In fact, we feel like we've just had a conversation with a Justin Bobby (read: head exploding in moment of hari kiri) every time we have to talk about it. Let's explain. For years, YEARS, although we've never, ever, deigned to wear it ourselves , we've sort of maintained the position that maybe, when executed correctly, denim on denim might be a legitimate fashion possibility. (Phat Tony: "Oh, awkward.... umm... I think I wore a denim jacket at the same time I was wearing jeans once. There was, however, a non-denim segue that softed the edge a little bit, but still... never again. In truth, before I left my apartment that night, I was thinking it was a risk I would be willing to make, but not even halfway through the evening, I was feeling awkward in that 'ugh, I'd kill for a Juicy Couture velour sweatsuit right now.' And, as we all know, that's a clear sign that something was wrong.... I've learned my lesson.")

Through thick and thin, as if we were working very hard in couples therapy, we've thought, hey, one can pull of most looks with the right amount of bravado, denim on denim should be no exception. Even when faced with hard times we kept the faith.

This picture is a visual expression of the innocence of youth, is it not? Before the baby dropping, before Jessica Biel...we long for simpler times when matching denim on denim outfits said "togetherness." Unfortunately, it also says BIG FLAMING MISTAKE. (PH: "And what about 'denim patchwork' cries 'subtly irony and elegence'? NOTHING.")

As if we finally summoned the courage to end a bad relationship, we've finally admitted that there are zero situations in life that call for denim on denim. Not matching, not contrasting, not when paired with horrible sneakers and a midriff bearing white tee.


We challenge the public to show us a correct, even passable, interpretation of the denim on denim scenario. Anyone....anyone?

Beanie Man

So we've already admitted to watching "the Hills" and now there's no avoiding commenting on the phenomena that is Justin Bobby.


For those still feigning not to watch, Justin Bobby is Audrina's on again off again boyfriend who has mistreated her in the past and has, most likely, swooped back into her life to cash in on her fifteen minutes and then leave her in a flaming pile of reality show detritus. The ridiculous moniker Justin Bobby comes from the fact that his name is Justin but his friends call him Bobby. Aside from being really fantastic TV, and possibly an even better villain than Spencer, we couldn't help but notice his propensity for wearing ginormous floppy beanies somewhat on the order of Adam Brody below:

Clearly, this look is not new, we credit Colin Farrell for its genesis and note Wilmer Valderrama for his studied imitation. Justin Bobby aside, we're even starting to see it on the East Coast. What's next, Kansas?

We're not saying the beanie is inherently bad. We feel the look is highly informed by he who wears it such that the hats tend only to look good on people you already like. Therefore, the floppy beanie is in a trend "safety zone" so to speak. What we fear is a "trucker-hat-isation" of the concept which unfortunately, might be right around the corner. If that's the case, we have just one request.

Can we just skip saturation and go straight to backlash please?

Holy Eyeliner Batman

We admit that we're really not afraid of bad TV. We watch America's Next Top Model, we watch the OC, we even watch its reality-based spin off "Laguna Beach" (we think it's funny how evil those freaky kids are). Our Tivo's are also, not surprisingly, set to capture every vapid moment of the spin off to the spin off, "the Hills." However we admit, we're 28, and we don't quite get all of it, namely the appeal of Spencer. Thankfully, we get most of the fashion. The LC beach-girl-chic, the Whitney why-is-everyone-around-me-so-much-stupider-than-me nouveau preppy. What we don't get is the eyeliner.



We've never seen so much liquid liner on girls under 25. Its like they're channeling the late Tammy Faye Bakker here. And what bothers us is not that they've decided to go with that look here, on the red carpet, its that, and you'd certainly know this if you watched the show, they wear this stuff morning, noon and night. Let's call it what it is, excessive, and more importantly, these girls are emboldening this guy: