The Long & The Short of it...

Ah, the world of shorts. Ever since the short pant became common in adult wear in the United States in the early 20th century, we have been subjected to a barrage of fashion mishaps (need I say more than the men's cutoff?). Now that it's full-on summertime, we thought we'd tackle the issue.

Men:
The world of men's shorts has recently expanded to include styles from the past three decades... we've been seeing the short shorts, longer shorts, wider shorts, extremely tailored shorts... Men around the world now apparently have options. But unfortunately, such spectrum of choices creates a single outcome... lots of bad fashion choices. Not to worry, though, we're here to set you straight...

Let's start simple:

If you are wearing a bike short, you'd best be riding a bike. The rules for boardshorts are broader but just as strict (must be within 50 miles from coastline). And how about those short shorts? If you're not running or in the midst of some other strenuous activity, don't wear them. No one wants to see that much of your legs, sorry. A word on pants that zip off into shorts…suck it up and deal with the temperature change girly man, and personally, any clothing company that has continued to allow such design mistakes to be made needs to have a talking-to. Do we need to remind you of Rob from Project Runway, Season One, and his march into fashion oblivion via the Post Office challenge? I would hope not. Carpenter Shorts: A.C. Slater called and he wants his wardrobe back.

Women:
There are absolutely some people out there that look good in daisy duke's (i.e. anyone who was cast in any legitimate production of the Dukes of Hazard) but we say nay on the general taste front for this garment.

Skorts: one hundred percent useless item of clothing -- and, as an extremely relevant aside, we feel that "brunch" and "Brangelina" are the only acceptable portmanteaux. Wearing a skort is as ineffectual at creating a fashionable look as using a Taco Bell "spork" in delving into a filet mignon.

Culottes, Lederhosen, Pleated Chino Shorts: no, no, and shudder to think.

The style for women that I love right now is a loose short hitting at mid-thigh.


This look is modern, flattering and very fresh looking. Word of caution: This is a great look dressed up but will cause you to look like a child if you decide to dumb it down to t-shirt and sneakers. For the timid: try the Bermuda shorts hitting just above the knee. Counter-intuitively, the most slimming options taper towards the knee.

Get It Together: Window Treatments

What to do with the windows… I must admit, upon moving into a new space, there are 1,000,001 things you'd rather do before dealing with new window treatments. I mean, all that measuring can really get a girl down and there are Law & Order reruns to be watched thank you very much. However, I have seen some poor excuses for window treatments around town. Granted, I live in a lovably grungy New York neighborhood but there's just no excuse for this:


Or this:


Must we look like we're running a den of iniquity at best or a crack house at worst? This is one area of the home where one need not spend a fortune to look like one has a modicum of taste. Keep it clean, simple and functional and you won't go wrong.

A few options we do NOT recommend.

- The overly-technogeeky, motorized, remote control models. Hell no. Think it's a good idea to flip a button that turns on a fireplace, opens the blinds, or makes your bed spin around in vomit-inducing circles? Nice try buddy... we don't care how big of a technophile you feel you are, but those bachelor-pad cliché features make reasonable women run for the hills faster than a screening of the Dustin Diamond sex tape.

- Any sort of frilly Scarlet O'Hara, I-just-tore-down-my-curtains-to-make-this-debutante-gone-wrong-concoction-of-a-dress curtains. The word "poufy" should not be used to describe your window treatments, nor should the word "velveteen". Nasty.

- Anything resembling a shower curtain, unfurled hippie skirt, or random tapestry leftover from your college years (see above: den of iniquity).

Still at a loss? We like the following:
Roman Shades
Linen Panels
Venetian blinds

Pintuck!

We are in love with pintucks.

Pintucks, while not qualifying as an all-out embellishment (see Angela Keslar "fleurshons" -- Project Runway, Season 3), give the hint of detail to a garment. They are not as Sienna Miller-boho as embroidery or as Britney Spears-scary as sequins. They add the perfect element of structure to a garment while retaining softness. Pintucks are lady-like and sophisticated without being old before their time (see Andrea Zuckerman, Beverly Hills 90210, Seasons 1-10). Although somewhat associated with Victorian fashion, pintucks are modern in the sense of 3.1 Philip Lim simple femininity or Chloe downtown cool. Favored applications generally center around sleeve or bib details on tops or dresses. I'm not exactly opposed to the application of pintucks on, say, a skirt or pant, I just rarely see it done correctly. The line between sweet and frumpy is blurry at best.

The Boho-Rocker-Artist-take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look can be amazing (thank you, Angela Montenegro), but please, use caution... think structured and clean. Good luck.

Pleats Please?

With all respect to Issey Miyake, who exactly is begging for these pleats? Who are these people? How have they been able to systematically convince some people that poofy pants are actually cute? Do these people actually want their hips and fronts to look bulbuous and... well... horrible? And outside of the multi-pleat that is so prevalent in women's wear, can we just discuss the single or double pleat in men's casual and professional clothing? Does the world need to make things more complicated for those who may be new to this world? New York is nothing if not replete (repleat?) with those recent college graduates entering the real world, filled with excitement and delusions that wealth and happiness are coming their way. Sometimes they're also excited about looking the part, and good for them. But much like those embarrassing kids on American Idol whose parents deluded them into thinking they could be the next big superstar, these guys jump too quickly into the pool of the badly assembled, average dressed, automatically assuming that they look good. Really? Are you seriously looking to the Gap to provide a positive fashion influence? Bad move, kids. Maybe this is a bit unfair, considering I've had early retail experience at the Gap, and I've learned the truth. I don't care where you are... pleated pants are rarely appropriate. And how about this, suckas... pleated shorts are never appropriate.

First rule: In situations that don't include swing dancing or other 40's style paraphernalia, flat fronts are the way to go.

We don't mean to force everyone into some bizarre Y2K Huxlean utopia, but take our word for it... these simple rules of order will make everyone happier.

Welcome...

It's a brand new day. For us, definitely, but really a brand new day for the world-at-large. Welcome to A Question of Taste, where there really isn't a question... we're usually right, so you should probably listen to us.