If I've Said It Once, I've Said It a Thousand Times...

... and I'll damn well keep saying it if you people continue to just NOT LISTEN...

This post may not precisely fit the paradigm that Bets and I have been creating thus far... It doesn't concern fashion. It's oblivious to interior design. It's also not about food. That being said, what we have to explain to you now is nothing if not a question of taste...

Ladies (and hell, the gents, too)... I know that, for many of you, looking good is important. Hopefully, feeling good is even more important. What we have to say, as hard as this is to even fathom, is actually pertinent to both concerns.

Picture this: You're about to head out for a night on the town with some of your nearest and dearest... Perhaps you're accompanied by your special someone, or maybe you decided the night was perfect for just chillin' with your girls and token gay. Regardless, you take your time getting ready... after all, you've looked forward to this night all week, you turned down a few happy hour plans during the week because you knew you were really going to rage tonight. You put on those clothes that always make you feel sexy and confident, and the shoes with just enough heel to not really inflict the inevitable excruciating pain until just before you need to call it a night. You're rocking those huge earrings that may look too ridiculous on an average day, but your hair is doing exactly what you want it to, is sweeping out of your face and falling down your back just perfectly, so you have the perfect pedestal on which to display your favorite jewelry. Your make-up, if you're one to wear it, is looking so perfect, it's barely there, but you're gonna look flawless all evening. And with those daps of your favorite scent delicately applied to those strategic locations, well... you smell good, alright?

Fast forward to the goal location: Some folks are getting drinks at the bar. Maybe you will, too, but only for a bit, because DAMN, the DJ's playing your song! You go out onto the dance floor, and your special someone, or maybe your girls/gay, are right next to you, matching that incredible energy. Then, in a fit of what must be agonizing madness, it happens.

Your hands end up above your head, snapping...

Yes, snapping to what you incorrectly assume to be the proper beat.

And everything you have worked for comes crashing down at your feet. Whether or not you choose to accept it, you neither look good, nor should you feel good.

People... you may think you're a good dancer. And we're not here to take that away from you (although hopefully, that's not all that you've got going for yourself)... But if you're trying to express yourself appropriately, you have just failed miserably, because there is NOTHING that you want to say that will be expressed by the hands-above-head-snapping maneuver. It's gross, and downright unhealthy. For our eyes, especially... if I have to yell in terror and cover Betsy's eyes one more time....

I don't want to be all Hitch here or whatever, but if you're that person to do what is clearly utterly abhorent, I want you to do this for me... Whenever you feel your hands going up, try to imagine them being stopped by an invisible barrier (or perhaps forced down by God, trying to give you a sign) at the same level as your eyebrows (in fact, let's just say your nose, just so there's less of a risk for pushing the boundaries of decency)... If your hands end up there, throbbing (from what was undoubtedly the Lord's furious anger), slowly, perhaps even to the beat (no, not beats 1 and 3, people... ONLY beats 2 and 4), bring them down as centrally to your body as possible. What you do after that is up to you. I have no idea what you're capable of, but I'm sure you can provide yourself with some options.

Now's the time to thank us... You have no idea the gift that we have given.