Whining Over Wine: Episode Three

Hello all, Phatty Tonz here (go with it, it's new, I'm trying it out)... true, it's been a while since I've blogged, but please know that while I cannot sufficiently apologize for my absence, I have been taking this time alone to be taking part in some introspection. And of course, by that I mean blatantly self-serving and bizarrely self-important judgment. Welcome to my world. Jump on in, the water's fine.

That being said, before I attempt a re-genesis of sorts, I felt it best to discuss arbitrary items with my cohort, and let's face it, my muse. And by "muse," I mean a wonderful individual who fully validates everything I say, so matter how absurd. Thanks Bets, you're major.

But I digress... here's a glimpse of the amazing nothingness that helps make our friendship so deep, so real. It's special. Obviously.

9:45 PM
Phat Tony: Bets, seriously, while I love So You Think You Can Dance (hereafter, SYTYCD), I'm kind of over the audition process. While the rest of the world might be all about bad dancers thinking they're good, in large part to misdirected and unintelligent stage parents who don't understand when "being supportive" equals "ruining someone's life via fake compliments and rainbow sequins," I can't help but hurt for all the potentially talented folks who are making bad reality tv decisions. For example, Xtina should not be an inspiration - 10 too many red and blonde hair extensions aren't going to make Mia Michaels love you.
Betsy: Wait, so her hair is too long or too voluminous?
PT: Too voluminous... we're talking Ricky's, here.
B: Like the Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves line "hair-do"
PT: it was a hair-don't.

10:35 PM
PT: Lisa on Top Chef has the worst haircut ever. it's one thing to get the most butch haircut in the world if you just don't want to deal with doing your hair everyday. It's completely valid, it's an efficiency argument, you don't care how your hair looks so you don't want to take the effort. Fine. But she clearly uses product, but it looks horrible. And she looks like a truck driver.
B: I AGREE!
B: There's so much that bothers me about her. I hadn't put my finger on the hair though.
PT: And also, I don't care how into your craft you are... if you're the type to want to do reality tv, don't spend your time at SuperCuts. She should know better. Anyone who so obviously likes watching themselves should know better.
PT: On another note, I'm SO over the barbell eyebrow ring. If you're gonna do lesbian-chic, try harder.
B: Were you really ever into it? Of course, aside from the three weeks in 1994 that Manic Panic hair dye seemed like a good idea.
PT: You're right... but I think I was supportive of people who were. But generally only the people who spent their entire high school career in art studio.
B: Yeah, there was always a lot of scowling and Doc Martins in those art studios.
PT: And a lot of really really straight hair.

10:49 PM
B: One thing I never understood about Top Chef is how every season has had a contestant with a mohawk.
PT: I believe the faux hawk is an easy solution for folks with thick straight hair who are sick of hair that sticks straight up for no reason.
B: You know when you put it that way, I'm definitely not going to hate on that solution... mainly because there's nothing I hate more than a dude who spikes his hair straight up in the air.