We Love Boat Shoes...

But we're not going to tell you why until Summer. Call it a preview if you will.

AQoT: Live From the Red Carpet

And by live from the red carpet we mean live from the red carpet in our pj’s, on our couches, with snacks. Let the games begin.

6:00pm Sweet Jesus what is Seacrest wearing? A black suit with brown trim? In what parallel universe is this a good idea? Has he no access to GQ? Think man, we beg of you, WWNPHD? We don’t care if this is Dolce & Gabbana, we’re looking at a black on black shirt/tie combination.

6:13pm Oh snap, Kimora is here, get ready for some crazy. Aside from her wearing all of South Africa’s diamonds, she looks surprisingly almost subdued in her long navy dress.

6:22pm Heidi Klum is in a nice Cayenne dress. Strapless with some sort of cute bolero that perhaps we’d be mocking if this weren’t Heidi Klum. Seal has a really fabulous accent. Wait a minute, they just panned down. This dress has some kind of fish-tail cape situation which leaves us feeling confused and a little bit hurt.

6:51pm Jason Bateman wearing the standard tux and of course, it’s hard to go wrong with that. Sidenote: why do we love the Batemans, Jason and/or Justine, so much. PH: do you want to weigh in on that one?

6:52pm There are a LOT of one shoulder dresses this year. Toga style.

7:09pm Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is here. Irrelevant.

7:14pm Amy Adams is doing an amazing forest green perhaps a redhead cliché but still, it’s working. Ah yes, Proenza Schouler. Love it.

7:21pm Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner in black. Yawn. I’d have fallen asleep completely except for some awkwardness involving Gary Busey. Or Nick Nolte. One can never tell the difference.

7:47pm Kimora and Giuliana DePandi Rancic are hating on Amy Adams dress. And they’re wrong, obviously.

7:58pm Renee Zellweger looks uncomfortable with her hair. Awkward.

8:12pm John Travolta looks like he’s wearing a hair helmet. His wife is wearing an interesting orangey-yellow which would've been better if it weren't so derivative of Michelle Williams in 2006.

8:19pm Helen Mirren is wearing rhinestone sleeves. Mistake.

8:20pm Both Daniel Day Lewis and Johnny Depp are doing this same black/brown suit situation. We're going to hate seeing this proliferate.

8:27pm Juno (Ellen Page) is wearing black, she looks like herself which we find refreshing.

And the Oscar goes to…

Celebrity Time Machine: All Roads Lead to Winona (and we don't mean Judd)

I think we all would have no problem predicting what all the chestnut haired waifs in Hollywood will look like in 10 years. Luckily, they have absolutely nothing to fear since all roads lead to Winona.

The Upstarts:

Natalie Portman

b. 1981
Breakout role: "Marty" in Beautiful Girls
Blockbuster franchise role: Queen Amidala in Star Wars I, II, & III
Next project: The Other Boleyn Girl

Keira Knightley


b. 1985
Breakout role: Juliette "Jules" Paxton in Bend it Like Beckham
Blockbuster franchise role: Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Carribeans I, II & III
Next project: The Duchess (apparently, "A chronicle of the life of 18th century aristocrat Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, who reviled for her extravagant political and personal lives" as per IMDB...sounds riveting).

New Edition:

Ellen Page


b. 1987
Breakout Role: Clearly, "Juno MacGuff" in Juno. I mean how many times do we have to tell you, Tots can't skate.
Blockbuster franchise role: We had thought none yet but actually she played "Kitty Pryde" in X-Men: The Last Stand.
Next Project: Smart People, not much information here except she's joined by Sarah Jessica Parker and Dennis Quaid in this one.

The Original:

Winona Ryder

b. 1971
Breakout role: "Lydia" in Beetle Juice but for us, nothing tops Winona as the "Veronica" in Heathers.
Blockbuster franchise role: um...we always thought Reality Bites could've used a sequel...
Next project: The Last Word, based on a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

We Love Ice Cream Sandwiches

We're definitely grown-ups as evidenced by a known propensity for easy listening radio, but yet we still have a deep appreciation for this rather childlike food. What could be better than a slab of vanilla ice cream between two chocolate wafer cookies. A classic hit, timeless, sort of like Janet Jackson. Sing it with me now, "when I think of you...baby, all I think about is love." Diversions aside, we learned recently that the venerated ice cream sandwich was actually invented in about 1900 in the Lower East Side. We're not sure when the Chipwich brand variety was invented,


but we definitely remember the summer when Phat Tony introduced us to the ice cream sandwiches at Diddy Reese in Westwood. Your choice of fresh baked cookies surrounding a healthy scoop of the ice cream flavor of your fancy.

When I think of you...baby....

Grammy Hits and Misses... Abridged.

So the Grammys were weeks ago... Fine. We figured that by separating ourselves from the event might give us some perspective when it came to our gut judgment calls. Perhaps surprisingly, perhaps not, our opinions became even more pronounced as time went on. Sure, they may be trite, but sometimes opinions just need to be expressed. We're sorry. Or you're welcome. You know, whatever.

However, in the spirit of self-restraint, we wanted to limit our opinions to the best and the worst of the Grammys.


Best: Alicia Keys. From her beautiful look when she kicked off the awards to the kick-ass performance of "No One," this was, we think, a high point in Ms. Keys' career. She got herself out from behind that piano (although, please, you shine behind that piano as well), and scream-sang in the way we love. I think I actually started giggling mid-performance, as I tend to do when an artist is so ridiculously amazing that I can't understand where the talent comes from. I don't know what Betsy's immediate reaction was, but I know it was positive.


Worst: Okay, Tina, we've loved you for a while. You've always been a bit crazy, sure, but we don't hate you. You had the Ike-thing to deal with, and that's gotta mess you up something fierce. Fine. Big wheels still kept on turning, and Proud Mary kept on burning. But then you had to show up in a aluminum foil corset/bodysuit. And while no one can be sure, we assume no bra was involved. I won't lie and say that would look horrible on everyone... but babe, seriously, that outfit was not meant for you. No, not at your fitting, and no, definitely not on stage.

And while we're frightened to admit this, we were kind of glad Beyonce was there to back you up. She clearly knew her place, filling in a role as "background dancer" whenever she wasn't featured, but still singing her ass off. And, Tina, we're thrilled you didn't publicly diss her. No one needs another Divas Live moment.*

" In case anyone needs a reminder, picture this: Mariah Carey, with great flourish, gestures to Aretha Franklin and proclaims, "All Hail the Queen of Soul!" And then Aretha turns to Mariah, calmly stating, "and Miss Carey."



Sucks.

Celebrity Time Machine: Tyra Banks is Morphing into My Grandma

Say what you will about Tyra Banks' career post modeling. Sure, she gained a little weight, and yes, she favors makeup that can only be described as dragqueenesque, but let's not forget that she also has her own talk show on which she features topics as varied as: Why Did You Dump Me and Tyra, Help My Mom Find A Man. Her other show, America's Next Top Model, has been around for 10 full seasons or "cycles" which really highlights the cultural importance of said programing that they were able to rename the long accepted moniker for "group of shows."

Aside from all that, we'd been noticing something for a few months now and can no longer keep it to ourselves. Tyra Banks is slowly but surely morphing into my Grandma.

As entertaining as this may be for us, it pains us that we can't let you in on the palpable certainty with which we make this proclamation. We realize that you have know way of knowing exactly what my Grandma looks like but lets just say it involves crazy wigs and a lot of this expression.

Dear Stylist: The Other Boleyn Girl

Dear Stylist,

We're fans of historical fiction, clearly. It's all the drama and intrigue without all the messy ties to what really, actually happened. So with the release of The Other Boleyn Girl, we're pretty excited, especially upon hearing that it would star the eminently watchable Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman.


Our eyes skipped by this photo of the starlets at the premiere just as easily as we find ourselves jamming along to a favorite 80s track only to then discover that we're listening to Eaaasy One Oh Two Point Seeeveeeen. Can anyone assure us that we're not the only ones experiencing this phenomenon on a regular basis, please, pretty please?

Upon closer inspection we realize that while Scarlett's dress is a lovely, flattering shade and seems to be a nice classic shape, she is also wearing enough eyeliner to put Lauren Conrad to shame. Subsequently, Ms. Portman is sporting what seems to be a lace tatoo. With strategically placed drapery of course but seriously Portman, Queen Amidala had more red carpet appropriate garb. And she was super-busy saving her planet.

Yours truly,
The Aesthetes

Weighing In: Headbands

Quite clearly, headbands have been around for a while. A preppy staple, we credit Hilary Clinton's overuse in the early 90s that first launched this trend into a nationally debated topic.

More recently, LC ahem, Lauren Conrad of the Hills fame and recently tapped as a fashion "maven" by some media sources, had been noted for frequent headband use.


What do we think aside from the fact that Lauren Conrad does not a fashion "maven" make? Well let's not split hairs here, I mean, she's wearing a headband, on her head. We really aren't going to spend our time having a whole lot of issues with that choice. What we do have problems with is the quite disturbing trend we noticed all summer of girls in New York wearing headbands around their foreheads hippie style or Rambo style if you prefer. We prefer that this trend go the way of the poncho but we're very afraid after this montage from New York Fashion Week by Fashionista.

Say it isn't so.

We Love Heidi Klum

Is Heidi Klum not just perfect? Of the many models turned hosts out there (that means you Tyra) Heidi has managed to retain a sort of down to earth appeal that does not rely on convincing the world of the tough life she's had. She also happens to be reasonably likable on camera (that means you Nikki Taylor and Tyson Beckford).

We definitely love the adorable family and as if the seal pups weren't reason enough, she also pulls off the cute printed hoodie look better than Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani and Cameron Diaz combined.


She can also do many things that most people including but not limited to Sienna Miller and Mischa Barton cannot such as high waisted denim.


She's never let us down on the red carpet,


and we love the idea of having a signature style. Ms. Klum has perfected one of our personal favorites, the sequined top/blazer/skinny jean ensemble.

Love is in the Air

So Valentines day has come and gone but in the sprit of our favorite Saint, we are giving out awards to favorite celebrity couple dress-alikes of 2008.

#5. Best BFFs


#4. Best Faux Rockers


#3 Best All American


#2. Closest Matchy Matchy


#1. Most Annoying Use of Trendy Headwear

Pregnancy Looks Crazy On Halle Berry

Halle Berry is no doubt one of the most beautiful women in film. She's also a reasonably decent actress with an above average ability to play superheroes. We just have one small question we've been puzzling over.

Since when did Halle Berry become Whitney Houston Circa 1987?


And why hasn't she received the Jolie memo in re: flowy pregnancy garments.


Pregnancy clearly is looking a bit crazy on Halle Berry. Perhaps not "in photos where she was smoking what appeared to be a crackpipe" crazy, but crazy nonetheless.

Attack of the Hung

There's something special about rooting for the hated contestant on reality shows. Then there's something completely different when a contestant clearly works too hard to be the hated one, knowing that the American public will happily eat up all the related drama. Ew. (Yes, Wendy, we were not so subtly referring to you.) Furthermore, this becomes increasingly annoying when said contestant need not rely on how much he or she is disliked, but instead on his or her sheer talent.

Enter Hung Huynh, recent winner of Bravo's Top Chef. Riding on the melodrama-dripping coattails of his cohort, Marcel (Top Chef runner-up extraordinaire), Hung came onto the show, guns blazing, outwardly repeating that he'll be the asshole of the show, and he doesn't care. Tacky, considering the more we learned about this guy, the more we wanted him to put away his snide commentary and dole out another serving of whatever he concocted. Now that he's won, he has toned down and finally given us what we were waiting for... a heartfelt story and great food. Top Chef has time and again given us quality talent, as opposed to mere reality stars (NB: Top Chef's first winner, Harold Dieterle, and his NYC hit, Perilla) What follows is one of Hung's recipes from the February issue of Food & Wine... enjoy!

Hung's Clay Pot Rice

Ingredients:

1 cup short-grain rice (7 ounces)
3 ounces mixed mushrooms such as oyster and stemmed shiitake, quartered if large (2 cups)
2 scallions, coarsely chopped
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon low-sodium soy sauce
Salt and freshly ground pepper
2 thick slices of fatty bacon, cut into 1/2-inch dice (1/2 cup)
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup ginkgo nuts (optional)
1 cup water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1. In a bowl, cover the rice with water and let soak until the grains turn white, about 1 hour. Drain the rice.
2. In another bowl, toss the mushrooms and scallions with 1 tablespoon of the soy sauce and season with salt and pepper; let marinate for 10 minutes.
3. In a small, enameled cast-iron casserole, clay pot, or medium saucepan, cook the bacon over moderate heat until the fat is rendered and the bacon is crisp, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and ginger and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the soaked rice and stir to coat with the fat. Add the ginkgo nuts, marinated mushrooms and scallions, the water and the remaining 1 teaspoon of soy sauce. Bring to a boil over moderately high heat. Drizzle the oil around the edge of the pot so it tuns down the insides.
4. Cover the pot and cook the rice over low heat until tender and the liquid has been absorbed, 10 minutes. Raise the heat to high and cook the rice, covered, until sizzling and a crust forms on the bottom (mmmmm), about 5 minutes. Remove the pot from the heat and let stand, covered, for 5 minutes. Fluff the rice with a fork and serve.

Super Guac

Well friends, it's Superbowl Sunday and I've been forced to watch pre-game coverage starting at 11:00am. I'm not really sure what this is all about but I'm guessing that this is the men's version of the Red Carpet. However, were this a respectable red carpet, Keyshawn Johnson and Emmitt Smith would be getting an earful from Joan and Melissa Rivers right now regarding a certain fuschia shirt and a vest with a bright orange back panel.

Aside from the commercials, the other silver lining to this very special day is the many Superbowl snacks that ensue. This being a very special day indeed our friend Fresh D has been convinced to share his famous guacamole recipe with the readers of AQoT. Get ready people, this is once in a lifetime...

Fresh D's Super Fresh Guacamole

3 ripe Haas avocados
1 small red onion
1 orange bell pepper (red or yellow will do too - I like orange)
2 jalapeno peppers
2-3 plum tomatoes
1 mango (not too ripe)
1 lime
1 tsp. cumin
cilantro
salt and fresh ground black pepper

Okay folks, Fresh D here, I pretty much like my guacamole fresh and chunky -- never too creamy or mushy. That's what this recipe is all about. So let's get it started.

(PH Interjection: Actually, Fresh D, before you begin, I'd like to take the opportunity, in this public forum, to thank you for the birthday breakfast burritos. They were timely and delish. No joke. Okay, please continue...)

Dice the red onion, orange bell pepper and tomatoes and set aside, preferably in some fun prep bowls. Next, seed and mince the jalapeno peppers. If you really like your stuff spicy you can keep the seeds in while mincing the jalapeno peppers, but I don't recommend this.

Now we're up to the star ingredient, the mango! You don't want a very ripe mango because it physically won't hold up to the other ingredients. All we need to do is dice the mango. That may not be as easy as the other ingredients. If you need some tips go ahead and fire up your Google; there are plenty of ways to tackle the mango dicing.

Okay we're ready for the avocados. Go ahead and halve, seed and peel the avocados. Give them all a rough chop leaving you with a few large chunks. Put them all in a large bowl. Now add the juice of 1 lime. Do this right away to prevent oxidation from discoloring the avocados. Using a potato masher add the cumin and salt & pepper (to taste) and mash. You're not trying to make mashed potatoes here so don't go too crazy with the mashing; just enough to get break up the chunks.

Finally, chop a handful of cilantro. Fold in the onions, tomatoes, orange bell pepper, jalapeno peppers, mango and cilantro into the avocados. Add more salt & pepper to taste.

I like to let this marinate for a least a few hours in the fridge. And there you have it... you're now ready to watch the Patriots lose!