Dear Stylist: Short Girls Have Style Too

Dear Stylist,

No one is saying that Jessica Simpson is not a pretty, sort of semi-talented, girl. We watched Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica too, we're not immune to her ditzy charm, although, perhaps the bloom is off the rose. Let's just say we've been noticing that Jessica has made certain sartorial decisions lately that are questionable at best. Starting with the decision to purchase the majority of her wardrobe at Katrina's Crazy Caftan Emporium.


We can just hear our critics now. "She's short! She has fashion limitations." Please, we all have fashion limitations. For women these can be summed up in three little words: high waisted pants. For men, let's just go ahead and say the word mesh. Millions of women outfit their small frames in stylish and proportional ways every day. Take for example Rachel Bilson who provides an exact counterpoint to the wardrobe insanity that is Ms. Simpson.

Bilson follows and Simpson overlooks one of our cardinal rules: "When one wears pants, one must also appear to be wearing shoes."


When Jessica wears dresses, they seem to be either too young or too old. Rachel has mastered the gray area of "just right."

Also, by the way Jess, the poncho is not the only way to keep warm. Maybe it's time to invest in a scarf or two to avoid looking like Hoss from Bonanza.



What's that Jessipoo? You're not going to finish your tuna sandwich because you're running out to the mall. Thanks, but we don't eat Buffalo.

Yours truly,
The Aesthetes

Jump Around

Have you ever thought to yourself, sweet jesus, this trend has gone nuts (think back to capris circa 1998, or poncho's circa 2002). Enter jumpsuits. I mean, they're EVERYWHERE.


We've even seen people even wearing them. Regular people who can't under any circumstances pull them off. People are also blogging about them and not in an entirely sarcastic way.

We can't help thinking, where is the tipping point? Where do we cross the line from ridiculousness into absurdity. Well friends, we think we've found it.

A pastel, floral, lace trimmed, skintight jumpsuit. Just when you think fashion can't go any more wrong. Thank you Chloe Sevigny.

Question of the Day: Is Rumer Willis Just Trying to Hurt Me?

Because, we get rolling out of bed and down the street for a much needed latte. We get sweatpants, hoodies, hats, and flip-flops, no problem. But when you wear zebra printed leggings. We KNOW you did that on purpose.

Redacted

We may have poked a wee bit of fun of the Prada Spring 08 line of calf length floral skirts.

Then we saw this:


We'd like to offer our sincerest apologize to the gods of Italian fashion. We get it now.

How To Wear Plunging Necklines

There are many items of clothing that are just South of flattering (ie: Alicia Keys Jumpsuit). The plunging neckline seems to be one of them. Note carefully Cynthia Nixon (second from right) and then Charlize Theron.



Why does the Charlize Theron version work for us and the Cynthia Nixon version not? A few observations:

1. The bold purple works to lend a lighter note to the look because serious, and this dress is cut down to the navel, don't really go together.

2. Ms. Nixon's dress is floor length. (See above re: seriousness)

3. As loath as we are to endorse ruffles, in this case, it draws the eye up and prevents the wearer from looking a bit, well, saggy.

We don't pretend to have the power to stop all of humanity from making bad fashion choices (crocs, et al) but should you happen to choose to journey down this path of plunging necklines, just remember, there are rules and you've been warned.

The Madden, The Man, The Accessory

Does anyone else think it's creepy that the on-again, off-again, best friend, reality show duo of Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are dating identical boyfriends?


Apparently the new hot accessory in Hollywood is a Madden brother. Unfortunately, they are VERY limited edition with a waiting list longer than Hermes'.

Question of the Day: Is Janet Jackson Starting her Own Religion?

If so, sign us up. Way better soundtrack than Kaballah.

Dear Stylist: Are Those Dance Tights?

Dear Stylist,

We recall the halcyon days at the McDowell School of Dance with a certain reverie to be sure. It is as if just yesterday we were bombershay and brush stepping around the tap studio with unbridled glee. I mean, we were 9, a time where one is highly prone to unbridled glee as well as embarrassing enthusiasm. It is also with some embarrassment that we recall our favored post dance class outfits. Well, at least one of us does. While Phat Tony could be found wearing a sensible ensemble of cropped sweats, denim jacket and legwarmers* (it was the 80s), I was given to wearing shiny dance tights, a short skirt and a beret of choice (sometimes with puffy paint laden scrunchie, sometimes without).


Oh....awkward, um, hi Beyonce, great music. We certainly rock out to Upgrade U at almost every workout, and we've been practicing our shuffle, shuffle, hair toss, in case we have to perform with you at the next Grammy's (we've since, in turn, assumed that the crawl-crawl-hair toss move circa Crazy in Love is SO over). We've just been a little confused re: the outfits lately. Clearly, you have the option of looking like this.

Yet often you choose to outfit yourself like Coco from Fame. I mean, are you always on your way to rehearsal?


And you and your new husband Mr. Carter clean up quite nicely.


Yet, on TRL it's one big denim on denim monstrosity.


Maybe we do get it. Maybe you're just that big of a star and you are so bored that you are keeping us guessing on purpose. Sort of like the magic spell that Brangelina has pulled on the public, are we pregnant, are we not, are we going to deliver our next child on the international space station.

Well in that case, Shazam!


Yours truly,
The Aesthetes

* See also Phat Tony's upcoming book of short stories "Bitch Tore My Leotard."

We Love Capers

Are we the only one's who love capers? Never being able to claim loyalty to either the sweet or salty camps we appreciate an order of nachos just as much as a scoop of ice cream. When we are in the mood for saltiness, capers add just the right flavor to salads, sauces and most recently pasta. We came across an easy and superbly tasty recipe from the Kitchn for Lemon Pepper Pasta (curtesy of Trader Joe's) with capers and a lightly creamy sauce. Enjoy!

Lemon Pepper Pasta with Capers

3 large garlic cloves, minced
Zest of 1 lemon
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chicken or vegetable broth
1/4 cup cream
1/4 cup capers
Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
1 8-ounce package Trader Joe's Lemon Pepper Pappardelle Pasta

Slowly cook the garlic and lemon zest in the butter and oil, in a heavy saut pan over medium heat. Stir frequently to keep the garlic from browning. When the garlic is soft, add the broth and turn the heat to high. Simmer until reduced by at least one half, and add the cream and capers. Turn the heat back to medium and simmer until thick and syrupy. Taste and season.

Meanwhile, cook the pasta according to directions (2 quarts of salted water, 8-10 minutes). Drain and toss with a dribble of olive oil. Pour the cream sauce over and toss. Serve immediately.