Dear Stylist: Old Spice Edition

Dear Stylist,

We have no shame over our love of pop music. In fact, our cries of "gimme more gimme gimme gimme" were barely heard over the din of the last VMAs. There even were 10 minutes in the 90s where we would've been happy to "tell you what I want what I really really want." Despite the bad lyrics (2 become 1?) and the even worse fashion,

here we sit a solid ten years post the Spice's rise to fame and Sporty, Scary, Baby, Ginger and Posh are still (somewhat) in the public eye. Amazingly, and thanks to you stylist, there has been no respite from the bad fashion.

We do admit that two of the five women may have come out slightly ahead of the errant spice situation. Emma Bunton aka Baby Spice has adopted a Twiggy as ANTM judge look for which we do not find fault.


And despite the Crazy-Catwoman leather jumpsuit motif, we applaud Geri Halliwell (Ginger) for the impeccable hair and makeup.


Mel C's colored denim gaffe brings her to about even with the old days,


which leaves the real task of spreading the crazy falling squarely on the shoulders of Melanie (Scary) Brown and Victoria (Posh) Beckham.

Luckily these two special ladies do not disappoint. Mel B may have recently won her paternity suit against Eddie Murphy but has since violated several state and local statutes regarding the misuse of animal print.

Have we learned nothing from Ms. Spears? Do not, I repeat do NOT get photographed in or around the bathroom.


Despite Victoria Beckham's short lived reality show and current clothing line, there is still a bit of Eau d'Irrelevance perfuming the air around her. Not to mention our strong suspicion that she's dressing like Captain Kangaroo on purpose.


Zig-a-zig-huh?

Yours truly,
The Aesthetes

We Love Gelaskins

As many "skins", cases and covers there are in the market for one's ipod(s), we think we have stumbled upon the most aesthetically pleasing. We love Gelaskins, the super thin vinyl adhesives that come in a range of sizes for all the Apple products. Aside from the enormous selection, the best feature of these products is their removability. The covers are self adhesive and while we are not convinced that they are reusable, we know that they do come off the product without leaving behind any damage or stray residue. By now, you've probably realized we're commitment-phobes in most things aesthetic. We just think what's great now, might look a little, well, tired in the future. As for functionality, will gelaskins provide full protection for the droppers among us? Probably not, but they do prevent scratches, especially on the vulnerable screens. Some favorites:

Get It Together: Footwear

A recent trip to the shoe department at Bloomingdale's struck fear into the hearts of the Aesthetes. There are a few things going horribly wrong these days. This year, Marc by Marc Jacobs has decided that providing the public with a normal fashionable boot is not enough. Apparently there was some sort of outcry for a boot that looked like a shoe with a phantom knee sock coming out of it? And more breaking news in the world of the unnecessary, can anyone tell us when rain boots became the new status item?


We thought the $200 rubber rain boot was the most ridiculous thing we'd ever seen until we met his cousin.


The $300 rain boot.

And finally, Nanette Lepore has teamed up with Ked's.
Thank god. Because we weren't sure where we were going to purchase our Avril Lavigne meets Anna Nicole Smith sequined high tops. Whew.

Throw Pillow Throwdown

There aren't very many small, relatively inexpensive changes to make to one's space that can pack a lot of power. We've already covered wall decals, one of our favorites, and now we must discuss the rather more obvious, throw pillows.

As common as this decorating tool is, we find it often a frustratingly complex and agonizing choice. We tend to change throw pillows an average of once a year. Before reading on to some of our favorite resources, be sure to check out Design*Sponge's ugliest pillow contest finalists where much hilarity and many pony motifs ensue.

Color/Texture

After dabbling with a few unsuccessful prints, we recently found solace in an unassuming gray linen from West Elm. It's impossible to discuss solid colors without delving into texture because these two elements work in tandem. Bold or neutral, we feel texture is essential. We're picturing a bold color in a shiny smooth fabric and it's reminding us of the wardrobe room of Honeymoon in Vegas. For solid colors in appealing textures (read: comfortable to kick back on for an America's Next Top Model marathon) we like both West Elm and CB2. We stick to solids here because we've tried prints from these merchants and while they appeal at first, when lived with, they always end up feeling a bit pedestrian.

The one caution we offer has to do with something we like to call "ethno-texture," which usually involves some combination of sequins, mini-mirrors and/or cowrie shells. As well intentioned as they may be, they always end up feeling like a post-collegiate Urban Outfitters mess.


Prints

The panoply of prints can be overwhelming but one can find just the vibe for their space with a little effort. Even though as a design trend there's talk of "played out" we still enjoy a good nature motif and a hands down favorite resource is inhabit living.



If custom is more your speed, Repro Depot has an amazing selection of reasonably priced fabrics and it can be surprisingly cheap to have custom pillow covers made. In NYC, we have an amazing super-secret resource that we'll divulge if you email us. Check out a few examples of the changing selection below.

Jodhpurs: Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em

You are likely aware of the extent to which we loved the Fall 07 Balenciaga collection. Deconstructed preppy is theme we extracted from the offerings but since neither of our names are Ghesquiere, we wouldn't dream of taking a runway look and translating it into any literal way into our realities. To make a long story short, we're not wearing Jodhpurs this season or, possibly, ever. In fact, we are a bit bothered by the recent attention this trend has received.


Welcome back to the world of unflattering pants. If fashion editors have any say in the matter, this might happen faster than one can say Z Cavaricci. When is the bad fashion of our childhood going to go away? This is a code red situation, these pants are already on the market at GAP Europe. Is there any chance they might just skip the US Market entirely? We fear not. We fear it will be up to the masses to "just say no." (And I think we all know how well that works).

I think you know where we stand. Lest your express purpose in life is to channel this guy:


Can't touch this.

Anorexia Speculation Looks Great on Keira Knightley

Is Keira Knightley eating? We happen to be good friends with eating and we know what it looks like. We're fairly certain this is not it.


We wouldn't want you to think we would do something like advocate anorexia. However, the star has never looked better since rumors started swirling around Keira's possible eating disorder. We love the smoky eye and the gold highlights. We don't even mind the edgy toga look as popularized by Preen's recent haute pajamas collection.


Though we fear chocolate is no longer in her culinary vocabulary, we love this deep brown color in Keira's wardrobe.
Has anyone else noticed how she's looking more and more like vintage Winona Ryder every day?


Knightley has recently bumped off Kate Moss as the new face for Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle perfume. Her fame solidified by the Pirates trilogy, the logical next step is major endorsement deals. Kudos Keira, no one in their right mind will be accusing you of being a big fat fatty and all this anorexia speculation looks great on you.

Phat Tony Disclaimer
Please be advised: No judgment or warranty is being made with respect to the accuracy, reliability or other evidentiary relevance of any scientific or medical analysis, layman observation, or any other source with respect to the content of this site and to the sites to which this page links, whether in regards to the post immediately preceding this disclaimer or otherwise. Furthermore, the pseudonymed collective of Betsy and Phat Tony (hereafter, the "Aesthetes") take no responsibility thereof. Ever. Oh, and res judicata. Habeus Corpus. Stare decisis.

Weighing in: Ruffles

A recent photo of Kate Bosworth got us thinking.


You know how we feel about high waisted pants but what of the ruffle?

On the face of it, Ruffles appear fairly harmless.


We're seeing versions of the above at all the standard chains. Kept at a minimum, the embellishments don't scream frilly, girly, or Nana's apron. They don't scream but they do whisper and this, dear friends, is a problem.

Ruffles run counter to our aesthetic of clean, modern, simple and never overtly feminine. It's a quick hop skip and a jump from "this is such a fun cute girly top" to "I am a former homecoming queen from Central Ohio." This danger abounds in all facets of life. A ruffled bed skirt?


Indefensible. This is straight out of our Laura Ashley is coming to get us and she's really p*ssed off nightmares (yes, we have those). Ruffles are messy, extraneous, and unnecessary.

We admit, this trend may fall in the realm of borderline viable on none but the savviest among us, but when you wake up realizing you're outfitted as a tiered layer cake.

Don't say we didn't warn you.